COVID-19: The problem with the words “normal” “over” and “post”-how we can foster a more mindful approach.

Personally and professionally we appreciate more than ever that mindset is as important (if not more important) than ability or skill. I am sure that you would agree that there has never been a more critical time to embrace a growth mindset than right here right now. Calling on our personal resilience resources whilst maintaining our mental health, can help facilitate our navigation of the new reality we are all waking up to- a world post COVID.

I hesitate and then cringe at using the word “POST” as I am not sure if this actually exists or is indeed at all helpful. Likewise, common phrases I hear people use right now such as “when we get back to "NORMAL” and “when this is all "OVER” may not be too helpful either. Hanging on to what was and wishing for something different ahead is essentially being routed in the past or transfixed with the future or indeed both. What is the problem with this I hear you say?

Well, clinical psychology studies indicate that too much dwelling on the past and predicting of the future can result in excessive rumination and worry that contributes to a variety of mental disorders such as anxiety and depression. Add to this the uncertainty that has been thrust upon us and that we now have much more thinking time, then it is understandable that mental health practitioners predict a steep rise in poor mental well being across our society in the coming months. Anyone who enjoys quiet time or time disconnected from the world will confirm in techni-colour just how noticeably active our thinking brain is when we become still. Actually, it is not that our brain has got more active when we stop, it is just that we are normally too busy too notice and when we stop we become more aware. The brain is processing a huge number of thoughts, some researchers even suggesting as many as 60,000 to 80,000 a day, or an average of 2,500 and 3,000 per hour. What is worrying however, is that it is estimated that as many as 80% of them are deemed to be negative as our primitive brain has a built in negativity bias pre-wired to pick up on negative experiences more so than positive ones.

I am not saying that thinking is too be avoided but mindfulness teaches us that too much thinking (especially negative) especially when we attach judgement to it, can be counter-productive to us and that we can actually find more peace and happiness when we bring our attention to living in the present without such judgements. One thing that I have observed during this crisis is that people are commenting in rich detail on experiences we more often than not take for granted. Even after a short period of self- isolation, something as simple as a walk down a country lane is waking up the senses and reminding us just how beautiful the colours of our trees and plants are, how calming the sound of the birds are and how energy enriching good clean air is - that is mindfulness right there! To fully engage with our experiences and take it in for all that it is, is a mindfulness habit that has serious benefits to our mental health. Coming off of automatic pilots and becoming full engaged in the present is one of the more positive consequences of this crisis and should be embraced. But as the lock down continues, how do we maintain a mindful approach and not let our fears, worries and own inner critic go into over drive?

This is more difficult than at first glance. It takes practice to accept the unfolding of experience without judgment and the very word COVID-19 elicits an emotional response in most people ranging from feelings of fear to negativity to hopelessness to sadness to name a few. But just because we have a thought such as “I cant cope with this” or “I won’t get through it”or “I will loose everything” doesn’t mean it is true and/or will become a reality.

The thing is, we go about our lives without questioning our thoughts, their validity, their usefulness, their purpose. But what if we did? Psychology tells us that if we can change the lens by which we view the world then we can ultimately change perception. This is extremely powerful as it is indeed perception that creates your version of reality - it is your truth.

You may think it is only word play but it matters. Words become thoughts - thoughts become beliefs - beliefs become action and the actions you choose ultimately help you to thrive or just survive through a crisis. The former being the preferred route we would all take given the choice. In simple terms all that you become goes back to all that you have thought!

The incredible thing about this is with a bit of mindfulness practice we all have the autonomy to shape our thoughts, create the narrative we play out and write the story we own. I am a great believer in the power of visual or auditory cues to ignite thoughts and encourage positive actions. So in the spirit of trying this out I share with you how I intend to frame COVID-19 in my thoughts, what emotions it will elicit in me and what it will mean for me in terms of my behaviours as I too move through these uncharted waters:

Courage

We are all going to have to learn to live with what we have lost (the Kubler-Ross Grief Cycle) and the change we are experiencing, which to be clear is perfectly normal. We need to have the courage to embrace the feelings, emotions and thoughts that come to us as we move through these stages of change. I say courage because it takes courage to be honest with yourself and others (family, friends, co-workers, managers, employees) as to where you are. It takes courage to be open to getting through these stages as quickly as possible and it takes courage to accept where you are without fighting it and accepting each stage for all that it is. Taking mental notes of where you are: that you are in denial, or angry, or bargaining, or depressed or even back to a stage you have been in before, helps you to practice awareness of your emotions and judgement of them. This helps you to cultivate awareness of your thoughts and whether they are helpful or not, whether they are worth exploring further or whether they are worth letting go. It is also important that we work through things that are difficult, painful and that cause great hurt. The current crisis is for all of us painful (whether physical, financial, mental or spiritual) but we have to experience pain, as through pain we understand and gain a deeper appreciation of happiness. When we learn to embrace pain and learn from it we ultimately build on our resilience. The quicker you move towards acceptance rather than judgement the quicker you move through the process. Being honest about where you are with others, will give you the important support network around you that we all need to build on our resilience. Moving between each stage is progress and this is critical to maintaining positive mental health during these challenging times.

Having the courage to be your authentic self is also really important. Accepting to let go of what no longer serves you, accepting those who do and do not support you and accepting what you find challenging is a great first step. We also need courage to be transparent about the hard decisions we are making - being able to talk about them and instinctively follow a path you know is right even if you have to go it alone is a necessary and important part of making the change that you seek.

Observation

A life paradox is that we often have to slow down to speed up. For me COVID has given us the gift of being able to do just that. Before the pandemic we would go about most of our day to day lives consumed by our list of jobs, tasks & activities, mindlessly going from one job to the next. COVID has been the catalyst for us all to hit the pause button. To observe what is going on around us, appreciate all we have taken for granted and re evaluate what is important to us. We should all take this time to learn valuable life lessons from what these observations teach us. There has never been a truer saying than "a picture says a thousand words". Now is a great opportunity to engage in self-reflection, time to consider the person you want to leave behind, the person you want to retain and the person you want to become. There are so many people who tell me they are unhappy in their jobs, they have no time for hobbies or they are just feeling stuck. Is this not the perfect time to press the re-set button?

Vision

Some of the best ideas, creative projects and technical advancement have come during times of crisis, recession or trouble. This should instill feelings of hope and optimism in us all. Regardless of what this new world will look like, it will be our new "present" to engage in with all the energy, vigour and spirit that we can muster. A key ingredient of resilience is hope and optimism as they engender feelings and emotions which help us to 1) perceive that we can cope 2) broaden our outlook and 3) tap into resources we have but often fail to see. This encourages us to thrive, maintain our ability to function and bounce back from adversity, not just merely survive. We must remember that nothing in life is certain or lasts - if you didn't learn this at school then COVID has certainly taught you that now. Everything is temporary so we need to live for the present - enjoy it for what it brings and accept it for what it is. We need the necessary vision to see obstacles in our path as opportunities for new ways of working, for solving problems and for being innovative in our thinking. There has been no more opportunistic moment than now to sit back and really think about the person or company you want to be, consider how you can realign your purpose to ensure it best serves you and your people and ensure you have a clear focus for moving forward.

Integrity

For me integrity is everything during this crisis. It would be really easy to dive for the sofa and wait for this damn virus to pass. I guess that this may be the default position for many people right now. But we owe it to our children, our families, our employees, to everyone who depends on us to do the right thing even when no one is watching. This is not the time for blending in with the scenery and seeing this as an extended holiday. This is the time to roll your sleeves up, jump in the trenches and take responsibility for what is under your watch. If you are a person who has always said loyalty means everything to you then this is your time to show loyalty to the people who have served you. If you say that honesty is your moral compass then this is time to role model that exact behaviour even if the people receiving it find it difficult. If you value kindness then be kind to others, even the very people who have been unkind to you. If you value hard work then why have you downed tools just because you are not visible? Living by a set of strong moral principles helps you to live a guilt free life, a life you are proud of and one which will bring greater happiness.

Discipline

COVID has literally thrown everything up in the air: the coffee you buy, the time you get to work, the people you meet for lunch, your working hours, the activities you do at home, the time you go to bed and so on. Every known habit you have built relentlessly over a long period of time has been called into question. I have spoke to so many people who have said that the thing they have struggled with the most in lock down is the loss of their daily structure. One person even saying that they felt jet lagged as their body clock was all over the place. The huge risk here is that if we go about the next few months with no discipline then we are breaking the code of behaviours we have with ourselves, the very habits that we have become accustomed to and which have served us well.

We are all creatures of habit and habits help to play an important role in simplifying our lives, avoiding too much sensory overload and maintaining motivation even when you don't feel like doing it. Our brains are very powerful and constantly scanning for patterns in our daily lives. Good habits serve to create routine, order and efficiency. Unfortunately bad habits have the opposite effect and can lock us into negative patterns that are not good for us. It is great if you are starting new healthy habits and losing bad ones but the most important habit is the habit of discipline. Keeping discipline in your daily routine can act as a guiding light as you move forward: making your bed, setting a lunch break, keeping one room of the house as the room you work in, setting normal work hours, getting out of the house for daily exercises are all intentions that can help you keep that much needed discipline.

19

For all those people who like certainty - here it is. The one thing that is certain in all of this is that in 19 days, 19 weeks, 19 months or 19 years everything will have changed. Nothing ever stays still, everything is temporary, everything passes good and bad. This is a counter thought I always fall back to when things get incredibly difficult and I start to feel overwhelmed. I am not saying it won't be replaced by another difficulty but remember this - you got through it then and you will get it through it now. The things you are worrying about now will not be the same things you will be worrying about then. Remember, there is no future as when you get there it will now be the present! The present is the only thing that matters - whatever you do now make it count. You never know, what you think, feel and ultimately do NOW may result in the future (you predict) never happening. It is indeed your choice to give it all you have - not in 19 days, 19 weeks, 19 months or 19 years but NOW.

I have pledged that as I too use my resilience skills to navigate this potentially frightening, uncertain new world that when I hear the word COVID-19, I will choose to view it from a lens focused on opportunity not crisis, challenge not disaster, and learning not failure - a NEW chapter where I will write the story I would want to look back on with pride and with no regrets.